[00:00:00] Speaker A: You've heard the saying good, fast, cheap. You can only pick two.
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[00:00:44] Speaker B: St. Paul FM 107.5K 298CO Minneapolis Intelligent Radio with SRN News I'm Bob Agnew in Washington. For Former President Trump was declared the winner of Nevada's presidential race early this morning. That adds six more electoral votes to his margin of victory this week over Democrat Kamala Harris. Also in Nevada, Democrat Jackie Rosen picked up the reelection to her U.S. senate seat in a very tight battle against her challenger, Republican Sam Brown. The nation's leading pro business group says it worked hard to help secure a GOP victory on election Day. We did it with door knocking, phone calls, mail, what have you. And the issues that resonated that we were talking about are the ones that moved the election. They were inflation, the cost of living, bidenomics failing people. That's Akash Chogali with Americans for Prosperity says his group helped Republicans win the election by going door to door and explaining to average Americans how conservative principles would translate into a stronger U.S. economy. This is SRN News.
Hugh Hewitt wants you to be prepared for the fight. You can be wrong and not be rotten. I hope my friends on the left think I am wrong, but not rotten.
[00:02:00] Speaker C: I will always tell you the truth.
[00:02:02] Speaker B: And when I make a statement of.
[00:02:03] Speaker C: Fact, I will tell you the statement of fact.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: Don't yell at your opponent.
[00:02:08] Speaker C: Don't get upset.
[00:02:10] Speaker A: Get fat, get smart.
[00:02:11] Speaker C: Get prepared.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: The Hugh Hewitt show Weekday mornings at 5 on AM 1280. The Patriot Intelligent Radio.
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[00:02:51] Speaker A: Winter Pro life Across America. The Billboard people How does the baby.
[00:02:58] Speaker C: Move in your tummy?
[00:02:59] Speaker D: How does the baby eat?
[00:03:01] Speaker C: Can the baby hear me how did the baby get in there?
[00:03:04] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:03:04] Speaker D: A pregnancy can sure generate a lot of questions, but what's important is that a baby is a baby inside and.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Out of the womb, not just after.
[00:03:14] Speaker D: Birth, but nine months before at conception.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: That's right. Every baby is a miracle.
[00:03:20] Speaker D: Hello, my name is Marianne Koharski.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: I'm the Director of Pro Life Across America. If you know someone who is pregnant or in need of alternatives or assistance.
[00:03:27] Speaker B: Or would like to support the work.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: Of Pro Life Across America, please visit.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: Our
[email protected] or better yet, simply dial £250 on your cell phone and say.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: The key word Pro Life.
[00:03:39] Speaker B: Pro Life Across America is non political and totally educational.
[00:03:43] Speaker C: A baby's heart is beating 818 days from conception.
[00:03:46] Speaker D: Pro Life Across America the Billboard People.
[00:03:52] Speaker B: This is Dennis Prager. If you share my passion for free speech and rational thinking, become a member of the ultimate online community for all things Prager. It's Prager Topia Plus. It's less than a cup of coffee a month. Listen or watch every show. All commercial free. Share your favorite segments with your friends. Now listen commercial free to my friends Mike Gallagher, Seb Gorkin, Hugh Hewitt as well. Stream every lecture and chorus offered in the Prager store. Pragertopia plus members can submit questions for my monthly online Ask me anything. Yes, you can ask me anything. We also just added a live chat feature for the pragertopia community. Chat with me, Alan and Sean during the show. Great life discussions without restricted topics. Get everything from the show, including lectures, courses and films. As a Prager Topia plus member, go to pragertopia.com and get 20 of the top happiness hours from 2023 for free. That's pragertopia.com JTR JTR moving and siding.
[00:04:57] Speaker A: That's who we are.
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[00:05:50] Speaker A: That's who we are.
[00:05:52] Speaker B: The following program was pre recorded and the views expressed do not necessarily represent those of this station or its management. This is Open youn eyes radio with Dr. Kerry Gelb.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: Good morning, I'm Dr. Kerry Gelb and welcome to Wellness 1280 on open your Eyes Radio. Please listen as I discuss the newest information in the world of health, nutrition and sports. Every Saturday morning, 6am Central Time on AM 1280 the Patreon. Also, please share your thoughts by emailing me@doctor kerrygelbmail.com that's D R K E R R Y g l v gmail.com and visit my new website, wellness1280.com where we have all guest links, Wellness 1280 information and previous shows. Wellness is taking over the Patriot Airways for the next hour. Sit back and enjoy part two of my interview with returned guest Dr. Anna Roser. In part one, we talked about gratitude. In part two, this is going to be a little tougher because we're going to talk about grief, but every one of us living on this earth is going to have to deal with grief and is going to experience grief at some time in their life. And Dr. Roser is going to help us, give us some techniques and help us understand grief and maybe some ways to help us get through it. Dr. Roser, she's a medical doctor, she has a PhD in cancer research, she's a radiologist and she also experienced a personal tragedy that got her interested in the topic of grief. So Dr. Ana Rosa, thank you for joining me again today.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: Good morning everyone. I'm here and I'm really, really grateful to be here with Dr. Gelben. Each one of you to talk about grief, a journey that each one of us is going to walk at some point in our lives and to talk about gratitude, helping to heal from grief daily in a way that you're going to be able to say yes to you and yes to life again.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: And how would you define grief?
[00:08:02] Speaker A: So grief, the definition of grief would be a normal, natural reaction whenever you lose something that you were used to having your life. So technically grief could be what is the most important one that I would say when someone you love dearly dies for me. Right. And but also could also be the loss of a pet or the loss of your health, which is very important as well.
And the loss of a job, the loss of freedom that we had when we were dealing with COVID 19, right? The loss of certainty, although nothing is really certain in our lives. So grief is this natural, normal response.
[00:08:49] Speaker C: You know, if you could share your story and what made you get interested in grief and helping other people getting through grief.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: So my journey with grief started in 1994 when my grandma died. And then in 2004, my mom died. And at that time, I used to do grief in the way that all of us in the world are taught to do grief, quote, unquote. Like pretending, numbing, denying, being busy, you know? And many, many, many times I would stop and ask myself, wow, have I really loved my mom? Have I really loved my grandma? Because I was denying so much the pain, suppressing so much the pain. And when you don't feel the pain, you don't feel the love, because they come together, right?
The loss and the pain and the love. They are together.
When my husband died in 2016, I was like, really, really in a deep, dark place and with depression and not really knowing what to do next with my life. And that's when. And I really wasn't being able to suppress, deny, and pretend that everything was fine. So I wasn't really able to do the grief that the world expects from us in general. So that's when I found this book, Permission to Mourn from Tom Zuba, which he is my friend too. So Permission to mourn says a new way to do grief.
And with that, I really thought it was interesting and I started reading this book and it's so, so easy to read. The letters are huge, the chapters are very well explained, and it really resonates with me. At that time, again, I had several books in grief, but I wasn't able to read and pay attention to any of them because the foggy brain from. From grief, right? You are not there. You are just blurred and you're just like in a standby zombie mode. So when I thought. When I found this book, I also found Tom, and I did a course, more than one with him, to work with grief and to learn from my grief and to heal from my grief. And I've learned so much. I've learned that grief is not a destination. I'm not going to get to a point that I'm going to say, I am healed, right? I don't feel any grief anymore. However, since it's the journey I'm going to be walking in my life, I have learned to live with grief, to live with gratitude, and to build a new life. And that's what I want for us to discuss here today. That grief, yes, it's painful grief. Yes, it destroys you. It destroys your life, it destroys your dreams. Grief is not knowing who you are anymore, not knowing what to do next. And at the same time, like we talked in the next in the prior episode, regarding gratitude, at the same time, when you connect to the gratitude, when you ask the questions you have to ask to grief, you find the lesson, you find the gift, grief as your teacher, to become the person you are supposed to be, to keep building the life, saying life, saying yes to your life, saying yes to your loved one in heaven, saying yes to the love that you had. And it's the. It's a soul love that keeps expanding. So gratitude, definitely it's the way to do grief for life.
[00:12:22] Speaker C: And you talked about that with your mother and your grandmother. How do you that you didn't know if you love them? How do you deal with the guilt? Because I would assume that would make you feel guilty. How do you deal with the guilt?
[00:12:36] Speaker A: Yes, the guilt was there because since I wasn't feeling the pain because I was suppressing and numbing, I started questioning the love. And by questioning the love, of course I would feel guilt because I would say, like, so I didn't love them and they were there for me. So I guess at that time I was just suppressing and I was just denying and I was just like keeping so busy. So then I wouldn't have time to think about how I was doing or how I was feeling, which is what we do in general. We just keep busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, and avoid talking about our pain and avoid going there because we don't know what to do with that. With my husband was a complete different situation when I started doing a new way of grief, because when I would feel guilt, which I felt guilt because I was. I am a doctor and my husband died from colon cancer, stage four. And the symptoms and the signs from colon cancer were there. But since he was 49 when he was diagnosed, none of us, and he was a physician assistant, none of us really thought about cancer. We were thinking about hemorrhoids. So when he was diagnosed, he had stage four and there was really nothing that we could do anymore. So I did feel the guilt. Like, oh, I am a doctor and I missed it. I couldn't help my husband. But again, the new way of doing grief allowed me to realize that I am not more powerful than God, that there is a soul plan, and I have to surrender and find the gift and be grateful for the love.
[00:14:13] Speaker C: Talk to me about the symptoms of Grief.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: They are very, they are sadness, depression, trauma, panic, anxiety, anger, denial, guilt.
And they can come all of them at the same time and it's super messy. Or they can come and go and again. I do not believe that time is going to heal grief. Time is going to make all these feelings go away. I believe that they will come and go during your journey of life, like during anniversaries or celebrations. They always come and they always go. But it's mainly what you do with your time. So use your time to heal. Use your time to feel, embrace, surrender and learn.
[00:15:04] Speaker C: Tom Zuber, in his books he talks about it being like a tsunami, a wave that keeps coming and coming, a volcano erupting. And how does that, when that happens, what do you do? How do you, how do you handle that?
[00:15:19] Speaker A: Well, it took me, it has been eight years since my husband died. So what I just want to say is that what I'm talking right now, if you are in the deep depths of grief, it's not something that you're going to do in a second. Right? However, you have to allow yourself to.
[00:15:38] Speaker C: We're going to continue with that break. I don't know. We're speaking with Dr. Anna Rosa. She's helping us get through grief. We'll be right back. This is Dr. Kerri Dell for Open youn Eyes Radio.
[00:15:52] Speaker D: I went to the eye doctor the other day with my daughter Maggie. I was shocked when the doctor told me that my daughter was already becoming nearsighted. It turns out that this problem affects more than 40% of Americans. My eye doctor thinks this disease is getting worse. Perhaps it's getting worse because of kids prolonged time spent playing with smartphones or maybe because kids now spend less time outside. My genetics probably aren't helping her a whole lot being nearsighted myself. But the good news is that the doctor told me about a new FDA approved product called my site. This specific one day contact lens is already worn by thousands of children in the US it has proven to slow down the progression of nearsightedness. And best of all, Maggie loves these contact lenses. The doctor taught her how to use them. Now it is so exciting to see her have even more success in the classroom and when she plays sports. I Recommend you visit openyoureysradio.com to find an eye doctor that specializes in this treatment program. Learn more at openyoureyesradio.
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[00:17:52] Speaker D: I went to the eye doctor the other day with my daughter Maggie. I was shocked when the doctor told me that my daughter was already becoming nearsighted. It turns out that this problem affects more than 40% of Americans. My eye doctor thinks this disease is getting worse. Perhaps it's getting worse because of kids prolonged time spent playing with smartphones or maybe because kids now spend less time outside. My genetics probably aren't helping her a whole lot being nearsighted myself. But the good news is that the doctor told me about a new FDA approved product called My Sight. This specific one day contact lens is already worn by thousands of children in the us. It has proven to slow down the progression of nearsightedness. And best of all, Maggie loves these contact lenses. The doctor taught her how to use them. Now it is so exciting to see her have even more success in the classroom and when she plays sports. I Recommend you visit openyoureyesradio.com to find an eye doctor that specializes in this treatment program. Learn
[email protected] we're speaking with Dr. Anna Rosa, MD, PhD.
[00:19:00] Speaker C: She also has a podcast that she's on, Living with Grace with her friend Mary Wordman. And they talk about grief and they talk about gratitude and they talk about a lot of things to help you get through life to make your life better. And I'm certainly have gratitude that she's here talking about a very difficult personal subject. But she wants to help people get through grief and it's something that people don't like to talk about is grief. And right before we were talking about symptoms of grief and people who are going through grief right now. It's like a volcano erupting that they can't control or a tsunami that keeps coming and coming and coming. And so we're looking at strategies to help people when those things start happening. So if we could talk about that a little bit, Continue from the break.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: Yes. So these beautiful words are from my friend again, Tom Zuba, in his book Permission to Mourn. If you are going through grief. I don't have any affiliation, but. But it's a book that really helped me start saying yes to life and keep saying and keeping on saying yes to life. So the grief feelings and emotions, I am going to stop right now and say again, they are feelings and emotions and you are destroyed and you are shattered. But they are not who you are. They are feelings and emotions that come and go. And the most important thing to do in grief is allow yourself to be aware when they come to you, to be aware of the meaning of each one of them, to sit and feel them for a while. And I'm going to tell you that maybe in the beginning you're going to sit with these feelings and emotions that are very heavy for a month, but you're going to learn to shift from pain to peace, from fear to love. And you're going to sit with these feelings and these emotions less and less and less because you're going to learn to embrace them and really by acting, by questions. How do you learn to embrace these feelings? By asking yourself the questions that will bring to the foundation of love, that will then lead to the gratitude. So I am missing, for example, I am missing. I am longing the presence of the physical body of my husband. I am missing. I am longing the activities we used to do together in physical body. I am sad. I am depressed. I am frustrated. I am angry. Yes. Feel all of them.
Why are you feeling all this?
Because he's not here. Why? Because he died. Why? Because I don't know where he is. Why? Because God was unfair. Why? Why? Why? And then you realize, I am feeling all this because I love my husband. I love my husband no matter what. And then I can realize. And I am so grateful that I had 11 years with him in my life. I could have never met him at all. I am so grateful that I was able to be there for him during his disease and while he was fasting. I am so grateful for us having built life together. And I am so grateful that I am able to ask other questions that bring him closer to me. His energy, his soul, the love, the goodness and light. Because when I am saying I lost my husband, that's really painful. And if I stop and I ask the question, wait a second, where is my husband who died? Because I have not lost my husband. He is not here in his physical body. And yes, I am missing that because that's how I used to live, because I am a physical body. But I know in my faith, in my confidence, in my trust, in my hope that the body is the instrument for the soul. So if he doesn't have the body, he still has a soul. Where is his soul? His soul is light. His soul is love. His soul is goodness. His soul is with whatever you believe. God, the higher power, the universe, at home in heaven. That's his soul. And we are all connected through the heart of our souls. So I know in gratitude that the love with capital letters continues. And if I would sit with my husband right now and I would be able to ask him, looking in his eyes, now that your body is not here, what do you want for my life?
I assure you that my husband and your loved one would never tell you. I want you to suffer and cry and be depressed and destroyed for the rest of your life. I know that the love you have built, the love you still have and the love from the soul that is unconditional and expands beyond space and time wants nothing more than for you to get up and start building your life step by step, little by little with them. Nora McKernie, she said in a TED Talk about grief that the world expects you to move, move on, move forward, and that you have a timeline for that. I would say there is no timeline for grief. Again, together with her, I would, I would re. I would reinforce what she said in her TED Talk. There is no timeline for grief. You build your life using the time that you have every day. But the most important thing is that when you find your loved one who died, when you connect to the faith and the hope and their soul together with the universe and God and everything else you are able to move with. You are not moving on or moving forward. Grief is a journey of moving with the person you love who died, the love, the memories, the life, and everything that you built together and to keep building in a different way, the relationship from the souls.
[00:25:28] Speaker C: Are there specific coping mechanisms that we could use to help us get through this time?
[00:25:34] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. Like, it's very important to use something called activation energy. You don't want to do something, you don't feel like doing something, you don't have the energy. You just want to lay down and do nothing. And you are using negative coping mechanisms like Binge watching tv, Netflix, drinking, or going out with people that are not your tribe. So I would say stop all this and start focusing on you. You being your number one priority, taking care of you. Write down what you need and what you want. And you know that you need to hydrate yourself, to sleep seven to nine hours, to eat healthier, to exercise, plan and start doing it again even when you don't want. And we talked about this in the other top, in the other topic in the other show, journal your pain. Put it up and out. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to build peace in your life. It might be like some candles. Like I have these beautiful candles that are, that have even my husband's picture, you know, that I made when he died and I still have them. Allow yourself to build connection, but I would say build healthy connections. There are lots of grief groups in social media, but there are many grief groups that are very negative and, and very toxic. Focusing only on the suffering. And you do not want that. You want to wish them well and you want to find your peace and you want to find your tribe. You want to find people who are willing to heal with you. Like I say, to sit on the bench, to just be there, to listen to you without criticism, without unsolicited advice, just to be there with you. And one step by one step, doing the things where you are your priority number one, taking care of you. You are going to rebuild life in this journey with your loved one and gratitude and faith and to become a way better person. Because suffering and being broken and shattered in a million pieces is something that gave me and it's also giving you the chance of build yourself in any way you want because you can look at everything that was broken and all these pieces in front of you and you can decide, I am keeping the love, I am keeping the memories, I am keeping the doctor, I am keeping the kindness. I am releasing the anger, I am releasing the fear. I am releasing the whatever you want to release, the depression and in the spots that you are emptying. By releasing all these things that don't belong to you, you are going to be adding new things from life. You can become a voice, like here, I am talking to you. You can become a volunteer, you can become a death doula, you can become a health coach. You can become whatever you want because you add to your tools, strength, wisdom, courage, resilience. So many things that are gifts from your grief and so many things that gratitude allows you to hold on to them.
[00:29:01] Speaker C: You know, we hear time heals all Wounds. And Tom Zuper doesn't like that at all. Can you talk about that?
[00:29:10] Speaker A: Yes. And I definitely agree with him. I don't believe time heals any wound because people can just stay. Like my husband died eight years ago. I could be for eight years just complaining and crying and believing that my life is never going to be better. And then I am missing and longing forever and I'm going to be waiting until I die to meet him again. But the opposite happens too. When you act on the time that you have, when you use the time to heal by inspired intention, action daily. So time heals. When you use your time, when you put action in that. I'm going to practice gratitude. I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to be an advocate. I'm going to fight. I'm going to build connection.
I'm going to seek for help.
[00:29:56] Speaker C: You know, there's something about the stages of grief, you know, that we all learned in school, the five stages of grief. And I know Tom Zuber doesn't subscribe to that. And I don't think you do as well that that grief is very, very messy. It doesn't, you could be in more than one stages. There was other stages. And then, you know, people go back and forth between the stages. And you know, in my office I have some people that have terrible, terrible grief. I have two separate patients who lost two children. Each have lost two children. And when they come in to see me, the pain on their face is just really, really horrible. And when we get back from the break, I want to talk about that losing a child. This is Dr. Kerry gel for Open youn Eyes Radio. I'm talking with Anna Rosa, M.D. we're talking about grief. And we'll be back in just a moment.
[00:30:52] Speaker D: I went to the eye doctor the other day with my daughter Maggie. I was shocked when the doctor told me that my daughter was already becoming nearsighted. It turns out that this problem affects more than 40% of Americans. My eye doctor thinks this disease is getting worse. Perhaps it's getting worse because of kids prolonged time spent playing with smartphones or maybe because kids now spend less time outside. My genetics probably aren't helping her a whole lot being nearsighted myself. But the good news is that the doctor told me about a new FDA approved product called My Sight. This specific one day contact lens is already worn by thousands of children in the US it is proven to slow down progression of nearsightedness. And best of all, Maggie loves these contact lenses. The doctor taught her how to use them now. It is so exciting to see her have even more success in the classroom and when she plays sports. I recommend you visit openyourized to find an eye doctor that specializes in this treatment program. Learn
[email protected] right now with an important alert. Home title fraud is one of the fastest growing white collar crimes in the country. Criminals can make millions on your house without you even knowing it. Michael, you were one of those criminals.
[00:32:03] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right. I was responsible for about $16 million in equity theft and title fraud.
[00:32:08] Speaker C: Wow.
[00:32:09] Speaker B: And to be honest, it was easy to do. It's just paperwork. So by the time you find out what's happening, the equity in your home is already gone.
[00:32:15] Speaker D: So how do you keep your property and equity safe? For more, here's Action News reporter Ron Stevens.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: Well Monica, an in depth investigation found there's actually just one company that prevents this type of crime from happening. Equity Protect. Equity Protect scans, monitors, alerts and most importantly, protects you from any attempts to tamper with or steal your home equity and ownership 24 hours a day. Other companies merely monitor Equity Protect stops the crime from happening. Find out if you're already a victim or take a free risk assessment
[email protected] that's equityprotect.com I went to the eye.
[00:32:52] Speaker D: Doctor the other day with my daughter Maggie. I was shocked when the doctor told me that my daughter was already becoming nearsighted. It turns out that this problem affects more than 40% of Americans. My eye doctor thinks this disease is getting worse. Perhaps it's getting worse because of kids prolonged time spent playing with smartphones or maybe because kids now spend less time outside. My genetics problem aren't helping her a whole lot. Being nearsighted myself. But the good news is that the doctor told me about a new FDA approved product called My Sight. This specific one day contact lens is already worn by thousands of children in the US it is proven to slow down the progression of nearsightedness. And best of all, Maggie loves these contact lenses. The doctor taught her how to use them. Now it is so exciting to see her have even more success in the classroom and when she plays sports. I Recommend you visit openyoureyesradio.com to find an eye doctor that specializes in this treatment program. Learn
[email protected].
[00:33:54] Speaker C: I'm back with Dr. Anna Rosa, who's a medical doctor. She has a PhD in cancer research. She has a lot of wisdom and she's kind enough to share it with us. I have gratitude, and she's taught me about gratitude, and now I'm practicing gratitude. And I have to say, it's really helping me in my life to have a happier life. You're listening to Wellness 1280 on Open youn Eyes Radio. And before the break, we were talking about the stages of grief and that the stages of grief, you know, as doctors, we like to put things in neat little categories because it makes it easier for us. But the stages of grief don't really hold true, do they, Dr. Rosa?
[00:34:40] Speaker A: So for what I've learned about the stages of grief in my own Journey with Tom and other books and everything that I have researched about grief, is that the stages of grief from Dr. Elizabeth, it's much more. They are more related to someone who is dealing with a terminal illness. So these are stages that you can see in someone who is going to die from a disease that they have developed. So it's going to be anger, no, denial, and then anger and then bargaining and then depression and then acceptance for grief. When you have someone you love dearly who died, it's not, it doesn't really follow these patterns. It's much more because you don't have a timeline that you're going to die, right? Because for the stages of grief, the person knows, I'm going to die in two years, in five years, in 10 years because of this disease. So it's like denial again, denial and anger and all these phases that I said. And then the acceptance, like when someone who is terminally ill is really close to die, you can see that they are much more in peace with themselves because they are already in the acceptance phase. But for us normal, alive people, still normal humans that are dealing with the suffering from the person who we love, who dearly died, it's much more messy. It's like some days you have the guilt, some days you have the denial, some days you have the anger, some days you have all of them together. But one thing that I really liked is David Kessler, which is also an important person in the as a grief coach. And he has courses, too. He talks about the he has a book that I haven't read yet, but he has a book that he talks about the six stage of grief. And the sixth stage of grief is called finding meaning. It's when you grab all the things that you are feeling, all the emotions, all the brokenness, and you find in them the gift from them, from grief, from the loved one being dead, and you build a new life. Because one thing that I Like, a lot. And I tell myself, and I tell people who talk to me about grief is I need to. People come to me and say, I need to find myself, I need to find peace, I need to find purpose, I need to find happiness. That's such a wrong word. That's such a painful word. It's about, you are going to build yourself, you are going to build your peace, to build your happiness, to build your purpose. How? By taking actions in defining what you want, what you need, in planning, in programming, in following through, you are going to build your meaning. So that's why I really like when he says that the sixth stage is building meaning, because it's this. It's not sitting and waiting for something to fall over you. It's really putting your hands into action and building the life that you deserve and the life that your loved one in that who passed away would want for you to have as well.
[00:37:52] Speaker C: I want to talk about, you know, maybe the ultimate grief, loss of a child. Can you help us with that?
[00:37:59] Speaker A: Yes. So that I have learned as well in my grief groups. And I don't want to hurt anybody, but I do believe that all deaths are ultimate, you know, because it's not about my child died, my husband died, my parents died, or my sibling, or, you know, it's about someone I love dearly died. So the pain that a mom is feeling because her child died is her own pain because of the love. The pain I am feeling because my husband died is the pain that I am feeling because of the love. So the pain does have a name, the name of the person who died. The pain does have a title, the child or the husband. But the pain is mainly the love for the person who you love dearly who died. So I see all your pain and I see each one of you, and I don't want to increase or diminish any pain because the pain is from someone you love who dearly died. And only you can feel this pain, and only you can walk with this pain and shift the pain to peace and love by gratitude.
[00:39:26] Speaker C: Let's talk about some studies on grief. There was a study done by Strobe in 1999 called the Dual process model of grief, where they say there's an oscillation between two states, loss orientation or loss oriented, and restoration oriented, orienting coping. And that you need to be involved in both to help you, to be able to help you for healing. If you could comment on that.
[00:39:59] Speaker A: I haven't read this study, but I am definitely interested in that because it's something I called for me in my healing and my journey, the duality of life.
I cannot feel, I cannot connect to the love if I cannot connect to the pain. I cannot change from pain to peace if I am not aware of the pain, right? If I am not aware of what I need to do to walk from pain to peace, from fear to love. So I love what he says about loss, orientation to being oriented in your life and building life, because that's exactly this. You have to accept both. You have to know that losing and being broken, it's the door for you to hold on to what you are going to build next, the new life. You cannot deny one to create the other, because the power of one is in the power of the other. The gift and the lessons and the strength and the resilience and the courage and the wisdom and the acceptance and the compassion and the kindness and the belonging that grief teaches each one of us. It's all from the lost orientation mode, right? That starts growing and shifts to the I am building, meaning I am building a new version of me that I am proud of, this version, that I love this version, and that my husband or my loved ones in heaven are also with me, proud of me and in love with what I'm doing to honor us all. I hope it's that because I haven't read the paper, but I kind of connecting to the title, I think it's probably similar to this.
[00:41:51] Speaker C: And there's another study by Penn Baker in 1997 and we talked a little bit about this expressive writing and that helps us with the grief because we want to give people coping skills and talk about how expressive writing, writing your feelings regarding grief, how could, how you could experience improved emotion and well being.
[00:42:14] Speaker A: Absolutely. It's allowing yourself to not bury the feelings, to not bury the emotions, because it's not healthy and at some point it's going to explode, right? So expressive writing, which I say journaling because it's easier for me, it's just like allowing yourself to set aside time. So then you're going to write about your pain, about your sadness, about your feelings, about your emotions. And without judgment, you are really not even going to think about what you are writing. You are just going to be writing whatever comes to your brain, whatever comes to your hands, whatever comes to your heart. Because again, it's something that you are not even supposed to show to anybody else unless you want, but you are building a safe space for you to just allow all that to stop suffocating you and get out of Your chest get out of your body. Right. And expressive writing, it's really important not only for grief, but anytime you are feeling anything that is overwhelming, you are doing with distress in your life, like a toxic job, a toxic relationship, abuse, trauma, ptsd, depression, anxiety, anything. Expressive writing definitely is a. Is a resource that you are able to just take that away from your brain, take that away from your body, take that away from your attention, and then you release the space and energy for you to just go from there to a different place in your mind.
[00:43:51] Speaker C: There was a study in 2017 about mindfulness and grief. Yoga, meditation therapy, mindfulness helping reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. Would you comment on that?
[00:44:06] Speaker A: Yes. Again, not only for grief. For any time that you are dealing with something that is hurting you in life, mindfulness is amazing. Mindfulness. I had a distorted impression of mindfulness belief because I thought that mindfulness was, oh, I'm going to stop here, and I cannot think about anything. My mind needs to be empty. And that would prevent me from doing mindfulness techniques until I've learned that. It's not that. It's about being present, being calm, and whenever whatever comes to your mind, just let them come and go. Don't judge, don't criticize, don't pay attention. Let them come and go. And one thing that I really liked is that there are several different forms of mindfulness techniques that you can do. You just have to choose the one that you like better. It could just be doing a silent walk for 10 minutes. It could be sitting outside and paying attention to your five senses. It could be journaling. It could be practicing gratitude. It could, you know, it doesn't need to be laying down and being quiet. And it could be doing that too, and doing the breathing techniques. So it's amazing. It's very healing for us all.
[00:45:21] Speaker C: When we get back from the break, we're going to talk about social support and how important it is to have a support system, people in your life that you could talk to and how. And on the other side, what you should do when somebody is grieving. You know, people tend sometimes to avoid them because they don't know what to say. So. But we'll be back right after the break. I'm talking with Dr. Anna Claudia Rosa, MD, PhD.
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[email protected] I went to the eye doctor the other day with my daughter Maggie. I was shocked when the doctor told me that my daughter was already becoming nearsighted. It turns out that this problem affects more than 40% of Americans. My eye doctor thinks this disease is getting worse. Perhaps it's getting worse because of kids prolonged time spent playing with smartphones or maybe because kids now spend less time outside. My genetics probably aren't helping her a whole lot, being nearsighted myself. But the good news is that the doctor told me about a new FDA approved product called My Sight. This specific one day contact lens is already worn by thousands of children in the US it is proven to slow down the progression of nearsightedness. And best of all, Maggie loves these contact lenses. The doctor taught her how to use them. Now it is so exciting to see her have even more success in the classroom and when she plays sports. I Recommend you visit openyoureyesradio.com to find an eye doctor that specializes in this treatment program. Learn more@openyourized radio.com.
[00:48:53] Speaker C: I'm back with Dr. Anna Rosa. We're talking about grief. She's something we're all going to go through, through and experience. She's helping, she's helping us get through it, helping us with coping mechanisms. You're listening to Wellness 1280 on Open your Eyes radio. Dr. Anna Rosa has a podcast that she does with Mary wordman called living with grace. And before the break, we were talking about social support, how important it is to have a social support to help you with grief. But before you start with that, I want to talk, I want to ask you about people. When somebody is going, someone dies, a friend of yours dies and you go to meet the family or in the Jewish religion, which I'm Jewish, we have sitting shiva and I and I want to tell you this story. My, my uncle died and we went to my Cousin's house about 10 years ago. And at the end of this shiva, he said, you know, now I understand why this shubber because it really helped us get through it. So if you could talk about social support, Mr. Shiva, everybody gets what shiver is. Everybody gets. The house is open. You bring something sweet or there's sweets in the house. People are together and everybody talks and about whatever. And he made that comment, and that comment has always stayed with me, how the shiva really helped him. And now he understood the purpose of the shiva. So talk about social support for me.
[00:50:17] Speaker A: And for what I have seen with my friends and my in the groups and the grief groups. I have been part. The social support is fundamental because first of all, we are talking about our pain without being judged, without being criticized. We are talking about our pain with people who understand and feel a similar pain. So then we are, we felt, we feel seen and heard and understood and respected and valued and honored. We are like connecting with other people and we are going to see that we are all very similar and that we are human. It's a way of stopping, judging myself, like, oh, I can't stop thinking about my husband. I can't stop crying. And then I'm talking to a person in the group and he make and she or he makes a comment that it's exactly what I'm doing. And I realize, oh, I'm not crazy because we are all similar. So social support and groups really allow you to see that we are all Equals that we are dealing with similar emotions and that it's very important to know the people that you can trust. Because like Dr. Gelb said, grief is heavy. So not everybody wants to be there. Not everybody wants to listen to that. And when you go through grief, you know that the person who is grieving, I am really not expecting anyone to say anything. I'm just expecting the person to be there to give me a hug, to look me in the eyes, to see my raw feelings. You know, it's not about staying.
It's like the shiva. It's about bringing something that shows your love. It's about bringing a card that someone is going to keep or just bringing a hug.
[00:51:53] Speaker C: And how about for the person that, you know, feels so intimidated about approaching the person who had a loved one that died and they feel very uncomfortable about approaching or calling them or talking to them. I mean, you know, it's kind of a weird thing. They need your help, they need you to be there. Or maybe and you think, well, maybe the other person feels, well, maybe they don't want, they want to be alone and this is such a bad time in their life. I don't want to bother them. Explain from Matt's point of view.
[00:52:22] Speaker A: I don't think it's a bother at all. I think it's always when someone contacts you after grief while we are grieving, it's always like a form of support and feeling loved. I would say if you are feeling weird and awkward, if you just allow the grieving person to share about their loved ones, ask about them. Let the grieving person say their names. I think the main, the main feeling that someone who is grieving has is that we don't want the our person to be forgotten. We don't want our person to be left behind. So if you are feeling awkward or weird, just call, say hi. Open minded, open ended questions like how could I help you? And you know, if the other person starts talking about their loved ones, just let them be and share memories. You're going to be surprised how this is nourishing and nurturing, you know. Yeah.
[00:53:14] Speaker C: And talk to me about therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy. Is that helpful? How helpful as is it and what do you think?
[00:53:23] Speaker A: I think all kinds of therapy are helpful. I think that you are. If you are really depressed and if you are even thinking about like hurting yourself, you definitely should look for a doctor for medical help. For a psychiatrist you might need medication.
But all kinds of therapy are valuable. Cognitive behavior therapy is what we were just discussing about allowing your feelings to Come recognizing your feelings and find a way through your. Build a way through your feelings to make it different. Right. So it's definitely a way to sit with your feelings. You can do that with grief groups, too, or with a therapist or with a coach.
But again, it's all about not only being there to listen, but putting the work, you know, everything. It's not the time that will heal you. It's what you do with your time. It's not going to therapy. It's doing the exercises. It's connecting. It's connecting to the people that you can trust. It's accepting help. It's taking care of yourself. It's asking the questions that we bring to the foundation of love and gratitude. It's really saying, I want to heal. Like Tom says, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I am going to do the next step. It's going to be hard, but I'm going to keep doing the next step and making it less hard and less hard. In honor of you and the fact that you are still alive and you still. You still have work to get done here in this. In this journey and for you to become someone who can hold space for others as well.
[00:54:59] Speaker C: There was a study on rituals and symbolic acts that showed that they. And you mentioned before about the candles and, you know, lighting a candle, creating memorials, that. That is very helpful for people in getting over and helping them get through the grief. I don't know about getting over, but getting through the grief. Talk about that. I know you talked a little bit about it, but talk about rituals and why they're helpful.
[00:55:22] Speaker A: Rituals are helpful because they allow you to build a different routine in your life. But I would. I would be aware of what kinds of rituals you are building in your life because you want to be re. You want to build rituals that will hold on to life, not to death. So, again, I'm not here to judge anyone, but I would say I do have my candles, and I love my candles. They bring me peace. Yes, I do have a candle with my husband's picture, but I don't leave it all around the house. And I don't have. What do you say? Memorials? Yeah, the memorials. I think it might become a tricky situation because some people live for that, and you are not supposed to live for that. You're. You're supposed to build life from grief with the soul of your loved one and God and the universe. That's why I believe it's important to find meaning taking care of you. You as your number one Priority understanding that that person finished. Your loved one finished the work they came to do here in their physical bodies. And the only way that you could be connected with them is through love, is through honoring, not through the suffering. The suffering is for you, not for them, because they are soul, they are free, they are well, they are light. Right.
[00:56:52] Speaker C: And we talked about gratitude, and there's been studies on gratitude, on how that helps people with grief. But I want to ask you about some books that and what you've learned from some of these books. As we're just finishing up, Sheryl Sandberg has a book option, option B, because option A isn't a possibility. So option B. So, yes.
[00:57:21] Speaker A: Her book is really great. Her husband died because of a heart attack and while he was doing a treadmill exercise. And her book is really great, gives lots of insight. It was written with Adam Grant, which is. Is a mental coach. I forgot his title. I don't want to say it wrong, but he has some psychology major, But I don't want to say it wrong. Her book is really good, option B. The book that I used mainly was Permission to Mourn from Tom Zuba.
I also have used the book the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz because it's a foundation to building life. You know, learning to express yourself, learning to honor yourself, learning to deal with other people in your life and just become who you are supposed to be in a better way. I love reading my Bible. You know, it's my. My faith is my foundation, and I love reading the Psalms and I just love learning that I don't have to fear like that. It says in the Bible 365 times, fear not, because I am with you.
[00:58:33] Speaker C: So, Dr. Rosa, we're ending the show, so I want to ask you, where could people contact you? How can people find out about you?
[00:58:40] Speaker A: You could find me on Instagram, Anna rosagratitude. You could find me and Mary Werderman in the Living with Grace podcast. I would definitely tell you to check David Kessler, Tom Zuba, Gary Zukov, and all these books that Dr.
Gelb shared with us. And I wish you well, and I wish you life, and I wish you that you are able to build the best version of you with all the gifts from your grief. In honor to you, in honor to life, and in honor to your loved one. I see you, I honor you, and I love you with my heart.
[00:59:21] Speaker C: Thank you so much, Dr. Rosa, for helping us with these very difficult topics. I really appreciate it. This is Dr. Kerry Gelb. We'll be back next week with a new episode on Open youn Eyes radio. Thank you, Dr. Rosa.
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